Low self-esteem doesn’t always look like someone crying on the bathroom floor or hating every aspect of themselves. In fact, many people who appear high-functioning, ambitious, successful, or even confident…can be quietly struggling with deep insecurities, jealousy, and feeling so lost.
What I have learned as a CBT Therapist, is that it’s not always loud. It is not always in every area of your life.
Sometimes, the signs of low self-worth are so incredibly subtle and hidden, they’re showing up in the choices you make, the boundaries you don’t set, or the mean, critical thoughts you can’t seem to turn off.
Here are some hidden signs of low self-esteem you might not realise you’re living with:
1. You’re Too Afraid to Take Risks
You second-guess every decision, afraid of regret and not being able to cope on some level. It means you can actively see yourself avoiding opportunities. The last thing you want is to let people see you fail or look foolish in any way . Even when something excites you, fear tends to win. If your first instinct is to say “I can’t”, that inner critic might be running the show.
2. You People-Please
You say yes when you want to say no. You prioritise other people’s comfort over your own needs. You would rather make your partner or friends happy even if it means you lose out. People-pleasing might feel like being “kind” or “easygoing,” but often it’s rooted in a fear of rejection or not being liked.
3. You Struggle to Accept Compliments
When someone praises you, do you deflect it, downplay it, or feel awkward? Not being able to fully receive positive feedback often reflects a belief that you’re not truly worthy of it.
4. You Stick Around for People Who Treat You Poorly
You make excuses for their behaviour. You blame yourself. You tolerate disrespect because a part of you believes that’s all you deserve, or that it’s better than being alone. But staying in spaces where your worth is constantly questioned only reinforces the cycle… and you continue to chase the wrong people.
5. You Avoid Situations Where You Might Be Judged
You dread being seen, whether it’s speaking up, being on camera, or putting your work out there. Avoidance might feel safe in the short term, but it keeps you playing small in the long run. You know you are made for more, and that means being open to judgement.
6. You Do Things You Don’t Want to Do
You go along with plans, commitments, or conversations just to keep the peace. Saying no feels terrifying. You push your own needs down because you don’t want to be “too much”, risk upsetting others, or look like you can’t do something.
7. You Worry and Overthink Things You’ve Said and Done
You replay conversations in your head, obsess over tone, wonder if you offended someone, even when there’s no real sign that you did. This mental spiral is exhausting, and it stems from not trusting that you are already enough.
Here’s the Truth:
These patterns aren’t who you are – they do not define you. They’re coping strategies… things you learned to do to stay safe, accepted, or in control.
But now, it has reached a point in adulthood where you want MORE, and now you are starting to see how these patterns/habits/reactions are holding you back, right?
If any of this feels familiar, I can guarantee you’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck in these cycles. Helping people to break these cycles… this is the work I am dedicated to.
???? Ready to Break the Cycle and Rebuild Your Confidence?
Enrollment is now open for the next round of my course:
Becoming Secure
A 6-Week Immersive, CBT-Based Course designed to give you practical tools and techniques to calm racing thoughts, ease mental spirals, and manage the worry that constant overthinking can bring.
Break free from old patterns… no more chasing, overthinking, or feeling ‘not enough.’
It’s time to step into confidence, calm, and the kind of love and life you deserve.
This course is for you if:
- Your confidence rises and falls depending on how people respond.
- You constantly second-guess yourself and replay moments in your head.
- You compare yourself to others and always feel behind.
- You get emotionally overwhelmed and then beat yourself up for it.
- You only feel “okay” when things are perfect — and even then, it’s fragile.
✨ It’s time to stop outsourcing your self-worth.
✨ It’s time to stop living in your head.
✨ It’s time to feel secure, from the inside out.
Click HERE to join the next round of Becoming Secure
Takeaway Gem ????
Low self-esteem isn’t always loud.
It often shows up as overthinking, people-pleasing, avoiding risks, or feeling not good enough, even when no one else can see it.
Real healing begins when you stop trying to earn your worth and start learning how to feel safe being yourself.
If you’re looking for more support, join me over on Instagram (@Carly.Ann_) where I share tips on how to move from anxious towards secure.
Meet Carly Ann
I help people who feel stuck in painful relationship patterns – whether it’s overthinking, feeling anxious, or struggling with trust – find a way out and feel more secure and confident.
I use CBT combined with Compassion and Acceptance Therapy
Together, we’ll work through the impact of past experiences so you can stop feeling overwhelmed and start feeling calm, clear, and ready to build healthier, more balanced relationships