“Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving; anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.”
― Amir Levine
Recenty I posted a Part 1 where we looked at the first 6 consequences of living with attachment wounds in adulthood.
If you have an insecure attachment style, you will know how adulthood is impacted – from your mood to your relationships to your well-being.
In part 2 of this blog, I am sharing 6 more consequences people with insecure attachment often have to face face as adults.
This is in partnership with The Attachment Recovery Gym (ARG). ARG will be running 12 modules throughout 2024 that allows people to dive into each topic, there is an offer on now to join for only £199.
If you are a podcast listener, you can hear me discuss the 6 fall outs, or continue reading below:
Your attachment wounds in adulthood can mean it is extremely challenging to manage and regulate your emotions.
You might notice you have intense and unpredictable emotional reactions, you find it too hard to calm down, and you act out of character.
Overall it can feel hard to maintain emotional stability, especially when it comes to relationships. This emotional dysregulation can make everyday interactions feel overwhelming and damn hard, often leading to strained relationships and even social isolation in some cases.
Coping Strategies & Unhealthy Habits
It’s likely you have developed coping mechanisms and unhealthy habits as a way to deal with your emotions and past pain. These are usually things that will offer the idea of some relief in the moment, although they may not work and can cause distress tomorrow/once you hav calmed down.
These coping strategies include substance abuse, food, dating apps, triple texting, or other maladaptive behaviors as attempts to numb, distract, or get what you need.
As I said, while these coping attempts might provide temporary relief, they often exacerbate the problem in the long run and can lead to a vicious cycle of emotional pain and sabotaging behaviors.
Depression & Shutdown
There is a high possibility you experience feelings of depression and a tendency to emotionally shut down, especially when you are hurting or feeling let down.
Feelings of isolation, hopelessness, and a sense of worthlessness may arise, and this is really common in those that have experienced attachment trauma. It might not be all the time, more in the secrecy of your own home and when you are alone.
In some cases it is eading to withdrawal from social interactions and activities. The constant struggle with these overwhelming emotions can make it difficult to seek help and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Worrying about Anything and Everything
As well as low mood, you may struggle with excessive worry and anxiety, extending to various aspects of your life.
The fear of abandonment or rejection can result in a pervasive sense of unease, causing constant worry about potential threats to relationships and well-being. People often tell me it feels like they are always waiting for something to go hugely wrong. This chronic worry can interfere with your ability to enjoy your life and maintain healthy relationships.
Family Grief, Loss, & Exes
Attachment wounds often manifest in difficulties within family dynamics, involving grief and loss. The loss of someone, the loss of a relationships, the loss of safety, the loss of childhood, the loss of what coud have been.
You might even notice you really struggle with loss and letting go feels impossible. Often holding on to people, exes, and stories that are no longer serving you. Unfortunately this stops you from moving on and making the best of your time here on Earth.
Triggers at Christmas
Holidays, such as Christmas, can serve as potent triggers for individuals with attachment wounds. The emphasis on family, togetherness, and traditions may evoke feelings of sadness, loneliness, or anxiety.
These events can really highlight the impact of unresolved attachment issues, making it a challenging time for those affected. It can also bring up the losses as mentioned in the previous point. Add to that the confusion of it also feeling like a magical time. It’s important for individuals with attachment wounds to develop strategies for managing these triggers and maintaining emotional stability during the holiday season.
This is an important reminder, that I personally have never been more secure. My boyfriend knows I have the sting in my tail, but it is rarely an issue. I am secure enough for a secure relationship and that’s all we need to be.
Research shows specific models, support, and sower living can help our healing joyney.
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED:
2024 Iniside The Attachment Recovery GymThe Plan for our online membership is to present 12 modules targeting the aftermath of attachment and abandonment trauma in adults.We will work through 12 module through the whole year.Taking our time to learn, practice, and heal. You can join a full 6 months for only £150 or £35pcm. See below for the modules in 2024:
I’m Carly Ann, if you’re brand new here – welcome! If you know me already – welcome back! I believe we all deserve a healthy love in our lifetime!
You can check out my Podcast by searching Lessons in attachment or come and find me on insta, my name is @carly.ann_
Carly Ann xx