Question…Do you feel like people always end up letting you down or rejecting you in some way?
If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone.
The reality and hard truth, is that anxious attachers can have unrealistic expectations (NOT standards… but expectations), which leaves you feeling let down over and over again.
Standards are about what you know you deserve in a relationship, like respect and honesty, while expectations are more about what you hope someone will do, like texting back quickly or planning dates.
Imagine your heart as a sensitive alarm system that’s been set to high alert. Every text, every moment of silence, every interaction becomes a potential threat. You’re not dramatic, You’re not too much. You’re someone who loves deeply and wants connection more than anything…
But you never learned ‘normal’ and secure expectations in love, and that’s not your fault at all!
The 6 Expectations That Mess Up Your Relationships
- “Someone Should Think of Me as Much as I Think of Them”
Reality check: People experience love differently. Your constant mental checklist isn’t a universal standard. - “They Should Know How I Feel”
Spoiler: Mind reading isn’t real. Your partner can’t magically understand every emotion you’re experiencing. - “They Should Meet All of My Needs”
No single person can be your entire world. That’s too much pressure for anyone. - “Someone Should Always Be in Touch”
Constant connection isn’t love. It’s actually a form of control that pushes people away. - “You Should Always Be a Priority”
Important, but not realistic. People have complex lives with multiple responsibilities. - “They Should Never Let Me Down”
Plot twist: Everyone disappoints sometimes. It’s part of being human.
Breaking the Cycle: How to Actually Heal
Overcoming anxious attachment isn’t about becoming less emotional. It’s about becoming more self-aware, developing a secure mind-set, and being super compassionate with yourself, especially your past self.
What Attachment Healing Looks Like
- Recognising when your anxiety is creating stories that aren’t true
- Understanding that uncertain situations don’t equal something bad/rejection
- Learning secure skills like emotion regulations & Communication
- Learning to rediscover your true self and letting her shine
Moving Forward In Your Day-to-Day Life:
- Start small – don’t expect yourself to change overnight
- Practice sitting with uncomfortable feelings when you’re unsure or in ‘expectation’ mode
- Communicate directly when appropriate
- Consider a more balanced possibility
- Remember that healthy relationships come with space, trust, and imperfections
The journey isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming more secure, more authentic, and more kind to yourself.
Your sensitivity is a strength. Your desire for deep connection is beautiful. You’re not broken, you’re learning, growing, and becoming more of who you’re meant to be – and it’s an absolute honour to be a part of your journey right now.
If you’re looking for more support, join me over on Instagram (@Carly.Ann_) where I share tips on how to move from anxious towards secure.
If you’re in you’re just in your learning and healing attachment era, make sure to check out The Attachment Recovery Gym – Giving you access to so many workshops and tools to help you explore and understand your own attachment style & healing – especially a great place when you are triggered.
JOIN HERE FOR ONLY £199 FOR A WHOLE 12 MONTHS
Or if you feel like you have tried everything, check out my signature course Becoming Secure – This is where we work together on a week by week basis to build up your secure skills in a structured, supportive way. Let go, move forward, and give yourself the love and care you deserve.

Meet Carly Ann
I help people who feel stuck in painful relationship patterns – whether it’s overthinking, feeling anxious, or struggling with trust – find a way out and feel more secure and confident.
My approach combines practical tools to challenge negative thoughts (CBT), gentle techniques to understand and release the tension you carry from past relationships (Somatic Attachment Therapy), and ways to build a kinder, more supportive relationship with yourself (self-compassion).
Together, we’ll work through the impact of past experiences so you can stop feeling overwhelmed and start feeling calm, clear, and ready to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Work with me: