If you have an anxious attachment style, letting go can feel impossible.
You might obsess over texts or calls, need constant reassurance in relationships, or overthink every interaction.
It’s not just about people either…you feel anxious about money, your career, or constantly seeking validation.
It feels like you’re holding on for dear life (trust me I know), thinking that if you just try harder or cling tighter, you’ll fix this and get what you want.
Or you know this is no use, but you struggle to not hold on and obsess (keep reading, I have the tool you need!)
Did you know…The tighter you hold on, the more what you want slips away. I don’t know if it’s a universe things or what, but it seems to be true!
Why Letting Go Feels Impossible for Those with Abandonment Wounds
You have abandonment wounds so letting go feels even harder because it often brings up your deep fears.
What if you let go and it means you’ll be left behind, rejected, or unworthy of love?
When you attach your worth to someone else’s approval or a specific outcome, you’re not just afraid of losing a person or a job. You’re afraid of losing your worth
Your brain has made connections between letting go and being abandoned again. You’re afraid that if you stop trying to control a relationship, money situation, or outcome, it’ll all fall apart.
This is a huge reason why it’s so hard to let go…because letting go feels like you’re risking being left behind or being unimportant.
But remember what I am saying, the more you hold on out of fear, the more you push away what you really want and shit the door on what is meant for you.
The constant monitoring, overthinking, and worrying creates more distance & anxiety – not connection.
This is where the Law of Detachment comes in. It’s not about not caring…it’s about trusting that you can let go and still be okay.
You don’t need to control everything to feel secure or worthy.
True peace comes when you stop attaching your happiness to a specific outcome and allow things to unfold naturally
Radical Acceptance: Facing What Is (Even If It’s Hard)
Accepting reality can feel like accepting rejection. If things aren’t going the way you imagined, it can stir up fears that you’re not enough or that you’re unworthy.
Radical acceptance means accepting things as they are, even if they’re not what you want. It’s not about giving up…it’s about recognising that your reality doesn’t define your worth or mean you’re doomed forever.
You can still move forward, even if things are messy or not going as planned.
Breaking the Cycle of Overthinking and Anxiety
this process of detachment and acceptance can be tough, right?
Your mind constantly scans for what’s wrong, what could go wrong, or what should happen.
Your attention is stuck in a loop of “What ifs” and “I should have’s”…which pulls you away from the present moment and keeps you fixated on fears and outcomes that aren’t happening right now. And this can be exhausting.
This is where attention retraining can help. It’s a tool that can teach you to break free from the cycle of overthinking. You train yourself to move away from those thoughts like “What if I get rejected?” or “What if I don’t succeed?” and instead, return to the present moment.
The more you practice redirecting your attention, the easier it becomes to break free from anxious spirals. It’s not about stopping your thoughts, but learning to notice them without judgment, then gently guiding your focus back to the here and now.
Eventually with enough of this, you can meditate for an hour (if you want!)… or watch a movie without the anxiety lingering.
Attention Retraining: A Mini Exercise to Get You Started
Here’s a mini exercise you can try today. When you catch yourself spiralling into overthinking, pause.
Without judgement, simply notice where your mind has gone.
Then gently guide your focus back to the present.
You can do this by taking three deep breaths, noticing your surroundings, or even focusing on your body and how it feels in that moment.
This is attention retraining.
The more you practice this, the easier it becomes to move out of those anxious thoughts and back into a place of calm acceptance.
No excuses because you can practice this on a walk, in the shower, in a meeting, before bed, or just wherever you overthink!
One Step at a Time
Ask yourself today:
- What am I holding onto that’s keeping me stuck?
- Where do I need to practice radical acceptance in my life?
- How can I retrain my attention to stop overthinking?
Letting go is a journey. Every step towards acceptance brings you closer to a more secure, peaceful version of yourself.
And you don’t have to do this alone. In my The Attachment Recovery Gym cI’ll walk you through practical tools and support to help you break free from anxious attachment and find the peace and self-love you deserve.
You’ve got this.
If you’re looking for more support, join me over on Instagram (@Carly.Ann_) where I share tips on how to move from anxious towards secure.
Meet Carly Ann
I help people who feel stuck in painful relationship patterns – whether it’s overthinking, feeling anxious, or struggling with trust – find a way out and feel more secure and confident.
My approach combines practical tools to challenge negative thoughts (CBT), gentle techniques to understand and release the tension you carry from past relationships (Somatic Attachment Therapy), and ways to build a kinder, more supportive relationship with yourself (self-compassion).
Together, we’ll work through the impact of past experiences so you can stop feeling overwhelmed and start feeling calm, clear, and ready to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Work with me: