“While you were overthinking, you missed everything worth feeling.”
― Nitya Prakash
You already know how the mind can feel like a labyrinth of intense, uncontrollable thoughts, from constantly replaying past conversations to anticipating future rejection.
If you’re like me and have spent most of your adult life with an anxious attachment, you have witnessed the toll overthinking has on our mental health, relationships, and our own happiness.
I absolutely believe (and have experienced) that by understanding these overthinking patterns and implementing effective strategies, you can navigate this mental patterns and adopt healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Today, we’ll explore common forms of overthinking among anxiously attached individuals and provide insights on how to manage them.
Obsessions/Limerence
Obsessions and limerence often take center stage in the minds of those with anxious attachment styles. Characterised by intense, intrusive thoughts about a person you like, you probably fixate on what they are doing, things that could go wrong, and how you can get close to them. Whether it’s replaying conversations, analysing text messages, or imagining worst-case scenarios, obsessions can lead to heightened inner turmoil.
To gain control, consider redirecting focus. If this is not possible, it’s likely you will benefit from attention retraining. This shift in focus helps people move towards secure relationships as it alleviates the emotional distress associated with obsessions. It means both you and the other person can experience healthy, happy, free energy! I am a big believer that people can feel obsessive energy coming from us.
Daydreaming
For the anxiously attached, daydreaming can serve as a protective mechanism, offering an escape from real or perceived relationship stressors. However, excessive daydreaming may lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointments, not to mention stop you from living in your reality (which has the potential to be incredible!).
Grounding yourself in the present moment is crucial to mitigate the impact of daydreaming, hence you will often hear attachment experts discussing present moment living and mindfulness. By fostering mindfulness and redirecting daydreams towards positive and achievable goals, you can stay connected to reality – living more in reality is how I started to remove myself from daydreaming about people coming back or changing their mind, I was so fed up of living outside of my life.
Ruminating
Ruminating thoughts is the constant replaying of past events which is a common struggle for my anxious clients. This perpetual mental loop can contribute to heightened anxiety and undermine the potential for healthy relationships.
Breaking this cycle involves practicing self-compassion, challenging irrational thoughts, and embracing the idea that mistakes are opportunities for growth. By learning to forgive yourself and others, you can actually create space for positive change and this is more representative of a secure attachment style.
Worry
Worrying about the unknowns and “what-ifs” can be a significant challenge for those with anxious attachment styles. Usually predicting that someone will leave, cheat, or forget about you. This type of overthinking often stems from a fear of rejection or abandonment.
Regaining control over worry involves practicing mindfulness techniques (see how important this is?), focusing on the present rather than anticipating future challenges. Developing effective communication skills and setting realistic expectations in relationships can also help alleviate unnecessary worry – this was a game changer when it came to sustaining my current relationship – I had never communicated in this way before so I like to think this has played a big role in it actually working out.
In the journey toward better relationships, understanding and addressing these styles of overthinking is a crucial step. By cultivating self-awareness, practicing mindfulness, and embracing positive coping mechanisms, individuals with anxious attachment styles can gain greater control over their thoughts. Remember, the path to secure attachments begins with a compassionate understanding of oneself, curiosity, and a commitment to personal development (what makes YOU happy and content?
As you continue on this journey of self-discovery and healing, how might this blog support you in moving forward?
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED:
2024 Iniside The Attachment Recovery Gym.
In January, we will be focusing (in detail) on how you can heal the above patterns. Please note, we will provide the knowledge and tools – you will be the one practicing 🙂
The Plan for our online membership is to present 12 modules targeting the aftermath of attachment and abandonment trauma in adults.We will work through 12 module through the whole year.
Taking our time to learn, practice, and heal. You can join a full 6 months for only £150 or £35pcm. See below for the modules in 2024:
I’m Carly Ann, if you’re brand new here – welcome! If you know me already – welcome back! I believe we all deserve a healthy love in our lifetime!
You can check out my Podcast by searching Lessons in attachment or come and find me on insta, my name is @carly.ann_
Carly Ann xx