“Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them”.
– Mandy Hale
Are you valuing your worth as a human being on this Earth based on whether or not you have a current love interest?
Are you valuing your worth as a human being on this Earth based on whether a person likes you back or not?
Are you valuing your worth as a human being on this Earth based on whether or not you have someone to text at the moment?
If you answered yes to any of those, I have good news for you; it’s not too late to change.
Let there be no doubt: whether you are in a relationship, single or ‘it’s complicated’ – you are SO much more than your relationship status.
You are willing to settle for any relationship, believing that is all you are capable of.
Lowering standards, expectations and accepting any old relationship is battering your Self-Esteem into the ground.
Low Self-Esteem, anxiety and low mood feed off each other. It’s an endless cycle.
Self-doubt will tell you you’re not good enough; there’s no one else out there; it’s your fault this person is withdrawing. You will make excuses and ignore that niggly feeling telling you: “there is a better fit for you than this”.
Settling for any relationship and being afraid of single life is all too common. I’ve been there myself. I have chased, invested too much time, outstayed relationships, put guys on a pedestal and allowed myself to be treated poorly; all in a bid to make a relationship match what I thought my life needed.
Last year, for the first time in my life, hand on heart; I was able to say, “I would rather spend the next ten years of my life single than settle for anything less than a big, magic connection” (the good kind that comes with mutual respect, laughter and more respect).
I don’t care, I can’t care. Mediocre relationships and shi**y treatment don’t cut it. Trust me, I’ve got the t-shirt… several t-shirts.
Your energy and time is yours. It’s precious. Use it wisely. Save it for the right people.
I’ve put the time in to create a fulfilling, happy life for myself. Meaning, more often than not, I feel happy. It is now crystal clear to me when negativity seeps in or something doesn’t feel good, and it’s pretty easy to identify where it is coming from; and change it.
You are so busy overthinking and blaming yourself for not being worthy of a text back; you are missing the opportunity to work on the one relationship that really counts right now, the one with yourself.
Here’s the thing, when you know your worth, when you absolutely value and respect yourself; you will stop judging yourself based on the opinion of someone else; you will embrace a Sunday afternoon alone; you will let go of the person who isn’t meant for you; you will stop putting up with the same boring crap.
Then life really starts to open up.
It doesn’t matter how much you want to meet your one, if you do not start recognising how worthy you are, and start making good , healthy choices; you will continue down the same path you are tired of.
Relationships can bring so much joy. I understand why you want one. It is ok to want a relationship; I’m not disputing that for a second. If you are at a place in your life where you feel ready for a healthy relationship, there is no reason why you shouldn’t open yourself up to the idea and put yourself out there.
If the process of ‘finding’ your relationship is making you miserable, or worse, you have settled; I encourage you to just try something else.
Initially, it might be a struggle. You are so used to comparing yourself to happy couples and calling up the person on your back burner when you feel a bit needy. You have to just feel your way through those moments. They pass, and it really does get easier.
It is true you know… You really can be truly happy, fulfilled AND single at the same time.
To be honest, I used to struggle with this concept and felt like a bit of a fraud when I suggested it. I mean, I would be lying if I said I want to be single forever. So how does that work?
I’ve done the dating that negatively takes up my headspace; desperately wanting to meet someone and clinging on to anyone, settling, accepting little in return, making up dream scenarios of someone just not that into me.
Now I’m doing the focusing on me with dating on the side.
I’m the happiest I have ever been. Yes, I still date, but it feels different now. It doesn’t feel like a need. When I am not dating, I am happy and content.
I understand. You can be happy with life as it is, make the very most of what you have, and still want things for your future.
I guess, if you were being picky, you could say you are kind of waiting for that person. Though, it doesn’t feel like waiting to me anymore, it just feels like, I know it will happen, at the right time – and when that person feels worth the risk of rocking the happiness boat.
If you firmly believe you need someone else to be happy, I hope we can at least agree you deserve something amazing! You deserve someone who sees you, calls you and sets your heart on fire.
I know you don’t want to hear it, but MUTUAL connections like that don’t just rock up on the daily.
So you have two options in the meantime:
Instead of spending your time trying to escape being single, how about you do something crazy? Try embracing single life. Believe it or not, that does not just mean getting dressed up, hitting the town in the hope to meet the one.
The best thing you can do right now, is create a life you love. If you have no idea where to start, that’s OK. Here are a few ideas to work it out:
The path to being happily single and building your self-esteem is not always easy. There will be times where you fall back into old habits. There will be moments you doubt yourself. There will be moments you download tinder and delete again within 24 hours (a weekly occurrence isn’t unheard of).
When those moments pass, you rise up and go on with creating your life, for you.
Date if you want to date, but that date; that person; should bring happiness. Not misery.
Under no circumstances does that relationship get to equal your value as a human being on this earth.
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Carly Ann xx