If you ask me, breakups are one of the hardest experiences we go through as people.
When someone you loved deeply is no longer in your life, it can feel as if your world is falling apart – you’re shattered.
The pain isn’t just about losing a partner; it’s about the loss of plans, dreams, and a vision of the future hoped to build together. And obviously will leave you feeling shattered, uncertain, and vulnerable.
What you are feeling is what we feeling during this horrible chapter.
THE URGE TO GET THEM BACK
One of the hardest parts to navigate post-breakup is the overwhelming desire to get your ex back.
I think when you’re in the depths of heartache, it’s easy to believe that reconnecting with your ex will bring back the happiness and safety you once had.
But in reality, did you know this urge often stems from fear and the need for comfort rather than genuine healing?
Wanting your ex back is normal, but it’s essential to take a step back and reflect.
You see when you turn back to your ex, your wounds can reopen, causing you to repeat unhealthy patterns.
DON’T FORGET TO FOCUS ON YOU (EVEN IF IT’S HARD)
Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, it’s time to focus on yourself and what you need to heal. You deserve to heal, to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship, and to build a future that’s not defined by your past.
SELF REFLECTION
A helpful exercise to begin healing is self-reflection.
Spend some time thinking about what you’ve learned from the relationship. What have you discovered about your needs, boundaries, and relationship patterns? This isn’t about blaming anyone; it’s about recognising areas where you can grow and strengthen yourself.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS
In addition, please know that acknowledging and processing your emotions is crucial right now. Feelings of anger, sadness, and confusion are all natural. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment.
Tip: An effective way to manage this is to write about your feelings in a journal. When you give yourself space to reflect, you take control of your healing journey instead of letting the pain control you.
Healing after a breakup doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s important to remember that it’s a process. You might feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back, and that’s completely normal. It’s easy to get frustrated with yourself for not being “over it” as quickly as you’d like, but the truth is that there’s no set timeline for recovery. Give yourself permission to take things one day at a time.
DON’T RUSH YOUR HEALING
Don’t rush the healing process, allow yourself the space to grieve, reflect, and grow. Healing isn’t linear, and sometimes it’s okay to take a step back and process at your own pace. By being patient with yourself, you’ll eventually find that you’re moving forward in ways you didn’t expect.
MORE SUPPORT
If you’re going through a breakup right now, take some time to listen to this brilliant advice from my friend Holly, a breakup coach that is full of wisdom to help you through this. We discuss:
- The urge to get your ex back and why it can reopen old wounds
- How to cope when it feels impossible to move on
- The non-negotiables for healing
- Managing overwhelming emotions
- Tarot for breakups
- Dealing with triggers and reminders
If you’re looking for more support, join me over on Instagram (@Carly.Ann_) where I share tips on how to move from anxious towards secure.
Meet Carly Ann
I help people who feel stuck in painful relationship patterns – whether it’s overthinking, feeling anxious, or struggling with trust – find a way out and feel more secure and confident.
My approach combines practical tools to challenge negative thoughts (CBT), gentle techniques to understand and release the tension you carry from past relationships (Somatic Attachment Therapy), and ways to build a kinder, more supportive relationship with yourself (self-compassion).
Together, we’ll work through the impact of past experiences so you can stop feeling overwhelmed and start feeling calm, clear, and ready to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Work with me: