“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.” ― Robin Norwood
There is only a certain percentage of people in the world who understand the determination to heal from the past. Not everyone gets the frutration of finidng relationships SO hard.
When you know you have issues in relationships, yet continue to see the same mistakes, it is disheartening to say the least.
In part 1 of this blog, I am sharing 6 consequences people with insecure attachment often have to face face as adults.
This is in partnership with The Attachment Recovery Gym (ARG). ARG will be running 12 modules throughout 2024 that allows people to dive into each topic, there is an offer on now to join for only £199.
If you are a podcast listener, you can hear me discuss the 6 fall outs, or continue reading below:
Obsessional Thinking & Fantasizing:
People with attachment wounds may grapple with persistent obsessional thinking and fantasising. Your emotional insecurities can lead to an overreliance on your imagination and daydreams – You know… Picturing your ex coming back? Seeing yourself being saved by your crush?
This actually serves as a coping mechanism to fill voids left by past attachment experiences and that’s the part we have to work on in order to break the cycle. For me, the reliance on fantasising indicates a deep-seated need to escape from reality and create a more pleasing, albeit unreal, world. It’s likely there was a time in your life whether this was necessary.
If you have attachment wounds, abandonment wounds usually manifest as a huge, intense fear of rejection and being alone. It absolutely impacts your relationships and hinders emotional connections with people (the way we want to get close but actually push them away!).
Past experiences of abandonment usually contribute to a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats of rejection in your current life and relationships. Sadly, the emotional scars left behind by abandonment can lead to a hyper-vigilant state where we are constantly on the lookout for signs of rejection – it can be all consuming. If you know – you really know!
Attachment wounds usually lead to low self-esteem. There is research to suggest adults will go on to internalise negative beliefs about their worthiness of love and acceptance, and seek their self worth from outside (usually someone else).
Overcoming these wounds involves challenging and reshaping these damaging self-perceptions. The journey to healing often involves self-exploration, understanding, and acceptance of your worth outside of this person’s validation. What they think of you cannot matter any more.
Your attachment wounds may lead to co-dependency tendencies, they will show up especially when you are attracted to someone or in a relationship.
Typically speaking, you will struggle to establish healthy boundaries and merge with others to the point where you will lose a a sense of identity.
Breaking free from co-dependency involves adoption autonomy and self-sufficiency. Co-dependency, while initially seeming like a strong bond, can lead to an unhealthy cycle of dependency and disappointment – it can become all consuming.
The anxious-avoidance trap is a common in dynamic for people with attachment wounds. It involves a conflicting attachment styles that tend to trigger each other into anxiety or avoidance.
The anxious-avoidance trap is a hurtful cycle that feeds into each person’s insecurities and amplifies their fears. The more someone is anxious, the more the other will pull away. The more avoidant pulls away, the more anxious the toher becomes.
Attachment wounds can contribute to heightened separation anxiety, causing distress and fear when faced with the prospect of being alone.
Overcoming this challenge involves building a sense of security and trust in oneself and in the reliability of relationships.
Separation anxiety is not just a childhood disorder, it can manifest in adults too, often as a result of insecure attachments formed in their early years.
This is an important reminder, that I personally have never been more secure. My boyfriend knows I have the sting in my tail, but it is rarely an issue. I am secure enough for a secure relationship and that’s all we need to be.
Research shows specific models, support, and sower living can help our healing joyney.
YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED:
2024 Iniside The Attachment Recovery GymThe Plan for our online membership is to present 12 modules targeting the aftermath of attachment and abandonment trauma in adults.We will work through 12 module through the whole year.Taking our time to learn, practice, and heal. You can join 6 whole months for only £150 or £35pcm. 12 module include:
I’m Carly Ann, if you’re brand new here – welcome! If you know me already – welcome back! I believe we all deserve a healthy love in our lifetime!
You can check out my Podcast by searching Lessons in attachment or come and find me on insta, my name is @carly.ann_
See you soon for part 2