Self-soothing is the act of restoring a sense of calm and inner peace when you find yourself in a dysregulated & disconnected state. Usually after a triggering event, however sometimes it can feel like it comes out of nowhere too.
If you find your anxious attachment or intense emotion difficult to self soothe/regulate when you are triggered, this post is definitely for you.
As someone who works with many women experiencing intense insecurity and anxiety in their lives (especially relationships), I can confidently say one of the greatest skills we can hold and develop is the ability to soothe ourselves when we become triggered and overwhelmed.
I fact, one of the most common questions I am asked is how to calm yourself down and stop yourself reacting in the moment.
This isn’t to say you will set back and relax your boundaries or lower standards, not at all. This is more about being able to respond and communicate from a place that feels more aligned, and less full of regret and guilt.
I explain more and go into a lot more detail in the video below. However if you prefer to read.. you can scroll to the bottom for the 4 tips I am explaining this week.
In this video you will learn:
- What is Self-Soothing
- Why People Struggle to Self-Soothe
- 4 tips to help you start self-soothing & regulating your emotions today
4 TIPS for self-soothing:
Like I say, there is more detail in the video should you wish to dive in deeper. Otherwise the tips are:
- Believe & be willing to take responsibility for your role in self-soothing. Whilst it is not your fault that you struggle with regulating emotions, it is your responsibility to learn how to re-parent yourself so that you can begin responding instead of reacting. When the self-help books & blogs stop working, it is time to get some help.
- Develop self-awareness. Change does not happen without awareness. In order to self-soothe, you will need to be able to come off of autopilot so that you can make new choices. This means you will need to begin gathering more information and being conscious of your triggers, thought patterns, and impulses. From here, you will begin to reshape old internal habits.
- Get to know your sensations. Developing a deep insight into how your body responds to stress and triggers will act as a warning sign that you need to self-soothe. Recognising how emotions feel in your body is part of healing because until now, it is possible you become so overwhelmed and stressed because you are trying to avoid emotion.
- Commit to healing work. I recommend you work with someone for deeper healing work such as inner child work, understanding your hurt self, breathwork, etc. This work is where you connect to the unconscious working that are leading to anxiety, overwhelm, and insecurity. Self-soothing techniques can be great for a short term fix, but if you are wishing to use them as a long-term strategy, then deeper healing work will need to happen.
What I want you to know, is that I used to think I would never be able to self-soothe. I am so so proud of how I am able to bring myself back to a regulated state now, and I am confident that you can adopt this skill too.
Let me know in the comments below which tip you feel most drawn to.
If you would like to go deeper today into painting a picture of your own attachment style and relationship roadmap, I welcome you to watch my free 3-part course; Attachment Styles: The NEXT Level
Are you determined to take back your power and feel free from the insecurity, obsession, and anxiety of your attachment wounds?
Whether you have been overtaken by a relationship, highjacked by “the ick”, or keep attracting the same unavailable types; this course is designed to help go from lost in love to feeling safe, secure, & empowered – starting by understanding this current situation/person.