Do you find yourself self-sabotaging, avoiding love, settling for crumbs, and\or forgiving your partner even though you swore last time was the last time?
I remember the morning I woke up with the stark realisation that I was the common denominator in all of my painful relationships. It was me who kept finding myself in the same old, exhausting scenarios. That morning I asked myself “Why?”. The answer was clear – I did not know my worth.
I made a commitment in that moment to work on my own self-esteem. Enough was enough. I had had enough of not feeling enough. You know?
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-Esteem is the way you view, value, judge, regard, and think about yourself. It can change over time and it can certainly vary in different circumstances. Many of the people I work with will tell me they have good self-esteem at work and it feels totally lost when it comes to relationships! Who can relate to that?
For those of you who prefer a bit of a chat, here is a video of me discussing this topic in more detail:
Impact of Low Self-Esteem
Those with low self-esteem will really feel it. They don’t see themselves accurately – they filter out strengths, positivity, love, and success. Instead their mind if filled with criticism, comparison, and fear of failure.
When your self-esteem is knocked, you are way more likely to perceive things in your life as proving you are not enough. It’s a no-brainer then that you wind up in states of low mood, anxiety, and distress.
It is the worst when those self-critical beliefs are triggered. You feel it in your whole body and it is so uncomfortable. Unfortunately, in a bid to try and get rid of such thoughts & feelings, you engage in ‘strategies’ that are designed to make you feel better but ultimately lead to you feeling worse or prolonging a situation you are better off out of.
Impact on Relationships
I see two main issues:
- You do not value yourself so you don’t expect anyone else to. You attract people who will take advantage, treat you poorly, gaslight, ignore you, you name it.
- You will seek reassurance from your partner of love interest. You will behave in ways we typically class as ‘needy’. these patterns can push people away. Often in this case, you have a point but expressing it is not always done in an effective manner.
And you keep on going on in this same cycle. You might switch partners, but the pattern remains the same. Round and round you go.
How to Overcome these Painful Patterns in Love
You know it’s your self-esteem, but facing that truth is daunting for many. Especially if you have left it so long, why rock the boat now? Why bother?
You don’t have to drag up the past. That doesn’t have to be the case, you can make a conscious choice to build your self-esteem in your way. But I would say this, if you do want to make better choices in love, quit taking rejection personally, and walk away from unavailable relationships – your self-esteem is the first place to start.
I am getting you started on the basics for free.
So here is a free downloadable workbook, designed to provide you with some information about low self-esteem and some exercises to get going. For a bonus, I recommend you watch the video too, inside I will be providing more information on self-esteem; it develops, how it is maintained, impact on your love life, and I will talk you through the exercises too!