Life is 10% what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to – Dorothy M. Neddermeyer
If you ask me, a lack of Self-Esteem is often at the heart of why you are not living the peaceful life you desire. Your Self-Esteem is measured by how you view and value yourself.
Your opinion of yourself is mostly formed from past events.
If, on the whole, your past experiences have been positive, warm and loving; it is likely your opinion of yourself will be a positive, realistic one. However, if you have experienced negative experiences, been treated poorly and not so loving; your opinion is likely to be a negative one.
The negative interpretations are usually largely inaccurate. Though they are born from previous happenings, it still remains your responsibility to identify these false beliefs and learn how to adjust them to be balanced thoughts. You might blame your experiences for your lack of self-esteem, or those that treated you poorly or give yourself a hard time for not being enough. You won’t be surprised to learn, that this is a large waste of your energy.
It’s unfortunate that you have this belief about yourself, really unfortunate. But if you put half the effort you put into blame and self-hatred, into learning how to love yourself, you would be on track to living a life of worth and happiness.
Your thoughts are stories. Twisted stories based on very little evidence. They are also just thoughts in your mind. Not reality. You are creating an energy and feeling based on one opinion. If you wish to improve your self-worth, the first thing you need to do is get on board with the truth behind about thoughts. Read my blog: Overcome Negative Thinking: 3 Facts you Need to Know about Your Thoughts
Not Enough Attitude
It is possible that you have good Self-Esteem in some areas of your life and not others. That is not unusual. I, for example, have always held great Self-Esteem at work and at the same time lacked Self-Esteem when it came to relationships.
Ask yourself what areas you doubt yourself in and why. There is always room to grow, when you experience self-doubt, it can be an indication for you to put some work in that area of your life. What type of work that is, depends on you. It became very clear to me, I needed to work on my beliefs around what I deserve in a relationship.
The area where your self-doubt is most obvious is the area that needs your attention. You will need to tune into the negative biases you have about yourself, as well as how you perceive what goes on around you. Without even realising, you have become skilled at interpreting situations as confirmation that you are not good enough. Even things that have nothing to do with you. A stranger posts a picture on Instagram sunning themselves in your dream holiday destination, and some how you manage to relate this to your inability to get a promotion or find the perfect partner. You miss the bus and this confirms how stupid you are, despite the fact we all miss buses at some time in our lives.
When this happens, and you incorrectly create a picture of your world, you easily get stuck in a spiral of thoughts. Worries, anxious predictions and critical thoughts. These images and thoughts feed into your negative mood and keep you stuck from moving forward.
So easily, you can end up in a pool of self-pity. As soon as you feel like life is happening to you, like you are the one always getting a bad hand; you are giving up your power and your happiness. In one go.
Build Your Self-Esteem
There are some simple steps you can take right now to start building your self-belief and creating a happier, fulfilled life. I say simple, because you are capable of doing them. You are.
1 Believe You Can Change – If you do not believe you can change how you see yourself and the world, you are going to fall at the very first hurdle. If you think you are different, that you have tried everything and there is nothing you can do; you are going to find it very difficult to see any change here. If you are looking to me to fix this bit, I can’t. As you know, you have to be ready for this. When you are ready to take the power and responsibility to change your life, then you will, then I can really help. You need to be ready to work with me. Only then, can the magic happen.
2 Stop Assuming Everyone Else Has it Easy – Stop thinking this because it isn’t true and because it is not helping you. This is you continuing to be in a victim, powerless mind-set. Other people are coping or struggling with their own issues, do not forget it. It isn’t a competition over who has been through more or faced the worst trauma. We all live in the same world. At times it is hard for everyone, let’s all be mindful of that. It’s how each of us deal with our struggles that counts.
3 Take Control of Your Thoughts – You are allowing a script in your mind to run your life, get in the way of your dreams and ruin your relationships. How long are you going to let that happen for? It’s time you learn how to gain control of your own mind. You are the boss. Tune in to how you are talking to yourself and the stories you are telling, start questioning them and stop taking them as gospel.
4 Get Present – If you are in a constant state of anxiety, panic or low mood; you are living in your head. You are living in the future or the past. Every moment you continue to do this, you continue to lose your happiness right now. Start bringing yourself to the present and gaining self-awareness. Only by becoming more intentional in your day to day life are you going to be able to gain control of your life.
5 Don’t Give Up When Things Go Wrong – Do you know what 90% of my clients say to me after they have experienced a good day? They say they are worried and waiting for it to all go wrong again. The problem is, at some point they will have a bad day because they are a human being. So then what? they give up and think that good day wasn’t worth it? No. The good day still happened. Enjoy the good times as and when they happen and cope with the bad as and when they happen. No matter how much you work on your happiness, things are still going to go wrong. Like they do for everyone. No one is an exception, not even the person you are thinking of 😉
6 Create The Life You Want – Your dream life is not going to fall from the sky. You have to create it. Want a new job? you have to apply. Want to lose weight? you have to change your current habits. Want to feel happier? you have to change the things that are bring you down, even if that is your outlook.
7 Love Yourself – This is my number one message. I deliver this message with each new client I work with. We go through the whole of process of Learning to Love Yourself. Happiness and Self-Love go hand in hand, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When you love yourself; you look after yourself and you do what it takes to give this person the best life and love they deserve.
You have an opportunity to turn your life around. You have the time to put in and you have the strength. You need to dig deep and pull it out of you. I know you are enough and I know you deserve to be happy. How? Because it’s a human right. No matter what you have been through, you deserve to live a life of content and joy.
Do the work. Read the above 7 points every day and make them part of your daily life. You will see a shift, even if it doesn’t feel like it at first. You will have to consciously practice and then one day, it will just happen: you will notice you challenged a critical thought or managed the feeling of vulnerability.
If it does feel overwhelming and you have difficulty with this change, reach out. I am here to help. You can join my Learning to Love Yourself Programme and we will work on this together. Do not let old patterns ruin the rest of your life. If you feel ready, let’s change it.
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Carly Ann xx