6 Steps to Self-Soothe instead of Self-Sabotage when you feel Triggered by Love

Posted on 11th Nov 2020 by

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Over the years I have worked with a lot of people who have had the best intentions when it comes to changing. Yet when they find themselves in the moment, they struggle to break out of old patterns. They will shout, run away, act out, and become a victim to their emotions.

Most often, these are the times you will feel ‘too much’, & ‘crazy’.

Pain & trauma is stored in our bodies, it will find a way to come out. It’s best you allow it out in a way that is congruent with who you wish to be. You won’t always get it right, that’s OK.

It is well known that whether consciously or unconsciously, a common threat to your personal development journey is self-sabotage.

This not only applies to your love life, but also your career, your dreams, your passions, and your daily habits. If you do not hold the power to soothe yourself when you are faced with fear – you will likely wind up sabotaging a situation.

Whenever you find yourself in a state of pure overwhelm & emotion, you can almost guarantee all your ‘stuff’ is being triggered. That includes your past pain, your negative beliefs, and your unmet needs.

At this moment, your ego will attempt to take over and lead you through this. The problem is, your ego is going to use all of the past strategies that do not actually work for you anymore.

It doesn’t lead to self-sabotage for every single person. Many people are able to regulate their emotions in this moment. But unfortunately for many, that is not the case.

The good news is, you can learn to build this consciousness. You can learn to parent yourself in these moments, and soothe yourself.

When you master the art of self-soothing, you are giving yourself the best shot at creating a sense of ease in time of frustration, fear, and upset. That includes when life presents you with a scary opportunity, your heart breaks, or your friend upsets you.

I have created a 6 step process for your to follow when you find yourself overwhelmed or in the midst of an emotional take-over. Download this, screenshot or save to your phone. To have this EASILY accessible will mean you are more likely to break out of the vicious spiral. The sooner you work through these steps, the easier it will be. The more times you practice it, the easier and easier it becomes. Please don’t forget, to practice this over ‘minor’ annoyances and upsets too, this will give you a better shot at tacking the tougher times.

Do not judge the process until you have practiced it at least 30 times. That the number 1 principle. You have to give these things a proper shot before you give up and decide they don’t work or it’s too hard.

There is no shame in needing help along the way, I help clients to personalise these 6 steps to meet their own experience, if you know you need to master this now, and you are ready for this kind of intervention, simply apply to work with me HERE.

I’m Carly Ann, I’m a Self-Esteem & Relationship Coach on a mission to help women go from insecure & anxious in love to becoming totally aware of how IRREPLACEABLE she is.

I am here to put an end to you feeling “too much”, “crazy”, and “needy” by giving you the inside scoop on why love can make you feel that way & provide you with what it really takes to build your self-worth.

Using my background in Psychology & my own personal experience I help women quit repeating the same toxic patterns in love so that you they can feel complete by themselves, excited about their love life, and feel hopeful that their dream relationship is just around the corner!


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