In conversation with:
Nat Lue

Posted on 13th Mar 2019 by

Natalie helps people pleasers, perfectionists and relationship strugglers overcome their emotional baggage so that they can live their best life. She’s the writer of BaggageReclaim.com, host of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast, and author of four self-help books including Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl.

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“How many mountains do you need to climb in order to feel as if you’ve achieved?”


In recent months, I have been working closely with a lot of women one to one and on my courses, I am sure these lovely ladies won’t mind me saying, there has been a common theme when it comes to their current difficulties with self-worth; relating to the patterns of their relationships. And as is no secret to them, I can very much relate.


That’s why I am even more excited by this interview.


Having Natalie Lue answer my questions is a big deal for me. Of all the books, podcasts, and blogs I have turned to over the past two years, it is Natalie’s that have truly, truly changed my life for the better.


Let me give you some back story on this one. Though I didn’t know it at the time, since my early 20s, I have had a clear pattern in relationships, the most obvious being; falling hard, crushing and putting up with those guys that offer me ‘crumbs’. In 2017; I came out of a long term relationship that deep down I had known was never going to go the distance, I turned 30, and I fell hard back into the dating world, with a great big, painful thump. I immediately knew, I was just attracting guys who had no intention of committing, and perhaps the biggest shock, maybe I was attracting them for a reason. I knew, unless I changed, I would continue to attract the same guy, just in a different suit. After a quick search, I found Natalie’s book ‘Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl’. Natalie explains: why and how you experience the classic ‘hot and cold’, how you have become the booty call, where is the future they promised, and most importantly why you’re involved with them in the first place.


I have also read Natalie’s book ‘The Dreamer and The Fantasy Relationship’.  From this book I identified my skill of taking one thing about a guy and making it EVERYTHING, despite the fact that nothing else matched what I need or want. Wow. This book was like real therapy for me. I realised; I learned at a very young age to live in a fantasy world, where perhaps it felt safer. That knowledge has changed my world.


If you can relate to my experience, I highly recommend those books. You can also read Natalie’s blog ‘Baggage Reclaim’ HERE.


Very grateful to this lady and very pleased to give you my 10 Happy Questions answered by Natalie Lue:


1. What makes you happy?

Laughing and chatting with my family around the dining table. Impromptu conversations with my husband at bedtime where we’re typically recounting something that happened that day (often about the kids or something absurd that occurred at work or in the news), and we’re in hysterics laughing and then five minutes later, we’ve both fallen asleep! Dancing especially to anything that brings out the old dance routines or my raving moves. Really good quality time with myself. Silliness with close friends.



2. What are 3 things you do to take care of your well-being?

Journaling, at least three early nights a week, and a combo of massage and sessions with my osteopath each month.



3. What would you say to someone who is going through a tough time at the moment?

It’s OK to feel what you feel, but allow it to pass by trying to have even a little compassion for you. Don’t cling to any thought or story that involves beating you up or writing off your options. And, you don’t have to be ‘strong’ all the time or at all. Let you feel and let you be supported.



4. What helps you keep your stress levels at bay?

Noticing as soon as possible when my tinnitus is elevated so that I can figure out what I need. Tinnitus has really made me mindful about the content of my day and how I use my time, energy, efforts and emotions. I find that consistency through a level of structure and routine really helps and really trying to respect my bandwidth by not overloading me. Keeping my people pleasing and perfectionism in check keeps me out of a lot of trouble. Getting out for regular walks (often with the dog) or even just getting out for a run once a week definitely has an impact. I find that a self-care sandwich (10-15 minute doses of self-care activities morning, afternoon and evening) definitely keeps me balanced. e.g. journaling, listening to podcasts, reading or listening to an audiobook, sun salutations,  the legs-up-the-wall yoga pose, lying flat, drawing. Also, I avoid being hangry.



5. What makes you feel better when you’re sad?

Cuddles and laughs with my husband and daughters, for sure. Funny enough, though, I discovered when I lost my father in March 2017 that a crucial part of my recovery from sadness and a necessity for my grief is alone time. I rebooted and returned to myself by having downtime and letting me be sad rather than trying to hold myself together. A mix of funny and sad shows and films definitely helps!



6. What song makes you happy?

My goodness! Too many to choose from! Waiting All Night (Rudimental and Ella Eyre), Knew You Were Waiting (Aretha Franklin and Ella Eyre) and Pump Up The Jam (Technotronic).



7. What’s the best bit of advice you’ve ever been given?

How many mountains do you need to climb in order to feel as if you’ve achieved?


8. What book should everyone read?

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.



9. What activity makes you forget about time?

I lose all sense of time in any form of creative work that lights me up (writing, jotting, drawing, making). Also, dancing.



10. What is one thing you like about yourself?

My outlook on life. As a child, I felt as if the way that my brain works was a flaw, a hindrance, even. But, actually, it means that I love reverse-engineering things, seeing the patterns and connections in everything around me and connecting that with my intuition. It makes for a very creative, reflective, compassionate and humorous existence.




I had never heard the saying ‘How many mountains do you need to climb in order to feel as if you’ve achieved?’, so as a quote lover, that was a highlight.



What I adore about Natalie, and it really does come across via insta and this interview, is her ‘family first’ attitude. My own impression, is Natalie has her priorities in hand, fighting the people pleasing and the procrastination, and that really inspires me. Self-Compassion at it’s best, and I am all about that.


Also,  you can bet I am going to be ordering the Big Leap 🙂


Thank you, Natalie.


Carly Ann xx


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