Relationships

The Secret You Need to Know for Protecting your Heart

Posted on 4th May 2018 by

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I belong to me

 

I have a small tattoo of a puzzle piece on the inside of my right wrist. I had it done on my 23rd Birthday. Often when people see it, they ask if someone else has the other piece, which is interesting, because in fact it has the opposite meaning for me. The puzzle piece represents that I complete myself.

 

What I haven’t shouted about, is that this puzzle piece, is in fact, inspired by a Jessica Simpson song (that’s just the truth). I think I was around 17 years old when I heard her song ‘I Belong to Me’. I don’t know why it was so meaningful to me at the time…but then, I’ve always been one for lyrics.

 

Over the years, not only did I forget the song, I forgot that I even had the tattoo. It was early last year, following a break-up, that I was brought crashing down to Earth. I found myself feeling lost, terrified (of the big dark future) and incomplete.

 

After several weeks, sat at work, I noticed my tattoo for what felt like the first time. In that moment, I just knew everything was going to be OK. Remembering that ‘I complete myself’ was when the healing could truly begin.

 

So I listened to the song again (seemed like the right thing to do tbh). I’m proud that those words meant something to 17 year old me. But like I said, I went on to forget them. They are a good reminder that whether you are in a relationship or not, it’s not necessary to give all of you to another person or put their needs/wants above your own.

 

It’s not that I don’t wanna share my life with you, baby
It’s just that I’m the one I need to be true to, baby
And I won’t give up me to be part of you

 

Around my 30th Birthday, my best friend told me ‘You fall too fast and too hard’. Hearing that hit me fast and hard. It had been so long since I was last single; I had forgotten that about myself. The problem with falling fast and hard is that it can quickly lead to giving too much to another person. Usually, in the form of compromising (overly, not the healthy kind), lowering (or completely dismissing) standards and basically tolerating unacceptable behaviour.

 

To be happy, valuing yourself is a key ingredient. When it comes to relationships, you must know your worth and you must be true to yourself. If you’re not doing those two things, you will not feel good.

 

It’s not that I don’t want to have you in my life, baby
It’s just you gotta know that it’s got to be right, baby
Before I open up my heart to you

 

In order to fall too fast and too hard, you have to open your heart. So following this occasion that my best friend was talking about, when I’m feeling bruised from a dating fail, I declared, “That’s it, I’m not opening my heart again!” (who’s been there?!).

 

When the next situation appeared, I tried to keep those initial barriers up and keep that person at arms length. I tried so hard to control the situation, refusing to let history repeat itself, that when it did eventually end, I was exhausted. I didn’t really get to enjoy it because I spent the whole time trying to protect myself.

 

So, I decided closing myself off isn’t the answer either. You can’t control what happens in any part of your life, including relationships. Unless, you’re willing to commit to a lifetime of anxiety and worry.

 

If you are going to date or commit yourself to someone, it can be scary to know that you might get hurt. Whilst I have decided that’s a risk I’m willing to take, there does seem to be an obvious way to soften the blow.

 

I don’t need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody’s got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don’t belong to you
My heart is my possession
I’ll be my own reflection

 

The ‘secret’, is investing in your own happiness. No one else can make you happy. That significant (significant might be a bit strong) other? Give them part of you, but not all of you.

 

I belong to me
I’m one, not half of two
And if you’re gonna love me
You should know this, baby
That I belong to me

 

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby
That who I am is not about who I am with, baby
That don’t mean I don’t wanna be here with you, I do

 

Create a life you love. Do the things you enjoy, that truly feed your soul. Work out your passion, your purpose and focus on those things. Do that, and you can be happy with or without someone by your side.

 

Being happier will improve your current relationship or invite new healthy relationships into your life. When you are living a life you are proud of, you won’t accept any other treatment than what you deserve, and you certainly won’t allow anyone to take the happiness YOU created.

 

A plus one, should be a bonus in your life. It’s great to have them there, they support you, they make you feel good. But, when they are not around, whether that be that they are out with friends, working, or they just don’t want to see you… you are (more than) OK. And if the worst case does happen, and it all ends, yes it might hurt, but not like it would if you had invested everything into them and nothing into you – because you still have your amazing life to live.

 

I don’t need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I’ll give all my love but I’m not givin’ all my soul

 

Just remember, you complete yourself, you don’t need anyone else to complete you. Open your heart, keep your wits about you, and KNOW YOUR WORTH.

 

I love love, and I wholeheartedly choose to believe in love. I can’t ever guarantee I won’t fall too fast and too hard again, but the stronger and happier I am, the less scary it is.

 

And when the right one comes around, I’ll give all my love, but I’m not givin’ all my soul.

 

Click HERE to join my Facebook Group for support, inspiration and tools on how to love yourself and live a Happier life.

 

Click HERE to follow me on Instagram and see what I am getting up to and help me spread the happiness message.

 

Carly Ann xx


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